Today was infused with copious amounts of sloth and mediocrity.

I slept in very, very late. I had all of these interesting ideas floating around in my head for posts and for videos. By the time I got organized and ready to film, it was now. April 8th, 2017 at 11:02p.m. It would be lovely if I could have a safe space where I could yell and laugh and sing and express unbridled stupidity whenever I wanted.

I tried, I think for the last time, to shop for groceries earlier in the week. I ended up with a 24-hour long migraine that waxed and waned with various medications and then stopped.

I thought about doing a video while stoned on codeine but thought better of it. The bright lights and negative effects of a drugged up speaker on young, vulnerable audiences would likely bring on another migraine. So I just enjoyed being stoned for a bit.

And I am rambling again. I will address the title now.

I needed something to make me laugh, and I found what I was looking for. While writing a script for my upcoming Unrealistic Career Advice video, I stumbled upon some shitty ideas. I have carefully selected these ideas, compiling the following list. Some of the ideas are silly, stupid or just funny, not shitty: you decide.

  • Sell “Double Sided Tape”, but instead of both sides being the sticky side, both sides are the non-sticky side.
  • Title a chicken farm “Where the chicken always comes first.”
  • Place your goldfish carefully on the floor while you clean its bowl thoroughly and then put it back inside.
  • BlackLung Mints:  ashtray flavored breath mints for when you want to let that special someone know to stay away.
  • Name your kid based off of the urban dictionary descriptions of names. Here is an example:

Screenshot (190)

  • A rope bridge between Mount Everest and K2. Made of linguine. Lightly tossed in olive oil.
  • Try to sneak pocket knives and lighters onto every plane flight to ensure survival if you end up stranded after a crash.
  • Steal the source code for photoshop, change the background to pink, rebrand as “Makeup Face” offering real-life cosmetic downloadable content.
  • “Taken 4”:  Liam Neeson in space.
  • Buy a lot of bananas? Wear the barcode sticker on your hand. This way you don’t have to put the stickers on the inside of your kitchen sink (like I do).
  • Use a spatula to replace your flathead screwdriver.
  • Design buildings with built-in explosive charges to make it easier to implode them 40 years later.
  • Brown toilet paper.
  • Auctioneer rap.
  • Basic Instinct movie night with parents.
  • A plastic flower/plant that you need to water daily. What would happen if you didn’t water it? When the water ran dry would it burst into flames?
  • A 4-hour long audiobook with just silence and an “oh out loud?” right at the end.