Bubble bath.

I blame Hollywood for ruining bubble baths. #firstworldproblems #notmyproblem
Bubble baths are supposed to last long and make you clean. #firstworldproblem
I haven’t haven’t have not had had a bubble bath in three years. I have CFS. I don’t baths. #isitmyproblem?

Here are some hacks for the Best Bubble Bath Ever:

Since your existence is tied to your smartphone, think of its safety before all else. Put it in a ziplock bag just in case you are going to need it. You don’t want to die in the middle of your bath.
Speaking of dying, you want to make sure that there aren’t any electrical cords or devices hanging out around your bathtub. It would be awful if your toaster oven fell into the bath with you, wouldn’t it?
Rest your head on a waterproof bath pillow. This is something that you MUST purchase from Amazon. Must purchase, this Amazon, we know what you want now, more bath bubble products bath algorithm set.
Wine glass holder. Because you are now at the point where you can no longer uncork, pour, or hold a wine glass without purchasing an accessory from somewhere online to do it for you.

Eggwhite is supposed to be relaxing. I find meringue to be pretty.
Waterproof handheld massager. Because nothing is sacred or private anymore. Algorithm set. The computer suggests sex toys over next 3 years.
You can put other foods into the tub like apricots, oranges, lemons, cloves, cat grass, disco lights, rosemary, eucalyptus, peppermint, and so forth. If you get hungry you don’t need to go anywhere.
After you have spent well over $300 for products for your bath, you now have to worry about getting Hollywood Bubbles.
I think people worry too much.

Screw it. Do dishes much? Add to taste under running water.