Disclaimer: Please forgive my less-than-acceptable writing today. The brain fog is thick and I have a migraine as well. But I needed a place to do a bit of venting – and sometimes Facebook or other social media outlets are just not suitable.
I was offered some advice recently by a very nice person with honorable intentions.
The words of advice given to me: indistinguishable from much of the insight I’ve received over the years. And the years have been many. Twenty-nine to be exact, this past June. The words in italics represent my inside voice.
-Don’t give up.
See poorly written poem at the end of this blog entry.
-All illnesses have spiritual causes.
All dogs go to heaven. All men are created equal.
-Something traumatic happened to you at 16.
I’ve heard this many times. Perhaps I was astral projecting in Greenland when this so-called traumatic event occurred? I’m unsure. Generally, my memory of any astral vacation is wiped clean upon return.
-God can do anything.
Can he? If not, he’s not omnipotent. Will he do anything to help out? If not, that makes him malevolent. And me? Ambivalent.
-Anything is possible.
Of course, being the skeptic I now consider myself to be, I asked “Can I grow wings and fly?” I was given this answer: “Well the Wright Brothers made a machine and flew off a cliff.” No, no, that wasn’t the question. Seriously, I cannot physically grow wings and rise up from the ground, flapping enthusiastically into the wild blue sky like Astro Boy. Wait – Astro Boy had some sort of rocket, right? Anyways, please don’t tell me I can fly. I’m not Maleficent. Good grief.
-You are supposed to be living in abundance.
First world problems, first world pat-answers. I know that there is someone, somewhere in this world who would give anything to have one of my bad days.
-Have you tried anything to help you feel better?
No, actually, in 29 years of having CFS I haven’t bothered to try things which would make me feel better. Wait – does eating vegetables count? Should I drink my own urine? I’ve heard that cures everything.
-You must think first with your head, and then follow your heart.
This is how it works, without exception: I make up my mind, and drag my body behind me. The heart is there to pump blood, with great difficulty, to my extremities for the ultimately unsuccessful dragging.
-You’re so pretty. You’ve got the pretties eyes I’ve ever seen. You have your whole life ahead of you.
I wonder if I’d have received this compliment if this individual had seen me in the morning, legs swollen, eyes bleary, hairs straying in every possible direction except down, socially inept and homicidal.
-Your ancestors will come to you at night and scan your body. The next day, they will tell you what you need to do to be well.
Honestly, I think my dead relatives have more important things to do. I don’t even think they are in the same form anymore. Perhaps they’ve transcended space and time and… dammit I’m too sick to ponder right now. And too chicken to try ayahuasca.
-God is both a man and a woman.
OK, I think I can accept that one. Or, God could be a dish of spaghetti or that Kleenex box in the corner that I’m currently using for toilet paper because I’m out. Whatever you want.
-Healing power comes up out of the earth into your body.
Funny. I was lying down on the ground underneath a tree the day I became ill and never recovered. Must have been some ground with a bad attitude that I was napping on. Perhaps that particular square of earth sucked my life force back into itself? Perhaps its grass wasn’t green enough?
-You can travel to see this individual who can help you.
I guess you weren’t listening when I said I was practically house bound.
I think the one thing that bothered me the most about this conversation was that I was reminded to “stop giving up.” Here’s an equation in “poem” format that sums up my thoughts on the subject:
Science, Math and Stuff
My respect for my body’s limitations
DOES NOT EQUAL giving up.
You need to hear me when I speak
to the power of 10.
I do not have a solution to this equation.
The solution may not be discovered
for many generations.
We have only raw data
and are working on theories.
Folks, this was not my best post. I have written better in the past. Let me share a meme with you that made me think of those times when I felt inspired and wrote something amazing:
Indeed.
~Marlies Vonn
White Padded Room 