I haven’t written very much lately.

That tends to happen to me sometimes. Right now I am dealing with the abrupt end of a career I had hoped to have for a long while.

I’m dealing with the loss of what would have been income and independence.

I can’t even begin to picture a future for myself that does not include dependence on others and possible poverty.

I live alone, and it seems I’m grieving alone. In the dark night of the soul, there is one thing that we all must consider in order to see the dawn:

Do I Eat Meat or Vegetables?

Even though my life has gone completely to shit, I still have a sense of humor. Amazing, I know. Well, maybe not so amazing but it’s the way I roll.

The following is a song I wrote. It is a parody of Taylor Swift’s “Call it What You Want.”

Here is the audio only. All vocals by me:

 

Here are the words to “Vegetarian Dream”:

My cattle all died overnight
I brought a needle to a hay fight
They took the bull but it’s alright
All the heifers are calling me one
Nobody’s relieved themselves for months
I’m going better than I ever was
‘Cause

My garden tastes like an ice cream
Vegetarian dream
You can do this all too
You can eat it when you want to
Eat it when you want to
My lettuce, potatoes, dried beans
Eaten in this whole scene
I feel like I’m brand new
You can eat it when you want, yeah
Eat it when you want to

All my cattle came back as thorns
The barn boarded up after the storm
I burned it down just to keep me warm
All my money and all my things
All of my jewelry and my rings
I had to sell for this metal bin
And I know I’ll pay for eating meat every time
My barn is burned, lesson learned
At least I did one thing right
I got up to fight
I’m planting beans and clover, makin’ farts under covers
Running to discover
Yeah, you know I did one thing right
I did one thing right
‘Cause

My garden tastes like an ice cream
Vegetarian dream
You can do this all too
So eat it when you want to
Eat it when you want to
My lettuce, potatoes, dried beans
Eaten in this whole scene
I feel like I’m brand new
So eat it when you want, yeah
Eat it when you want to

[Bridge]
I want to plant forever with a chicken round my neck
Chicken round my neck
Not because it’s exercise
Because without me he’d die
Which is all that I can say, I…
I recall late November
So out of breath, slowly I said
“All these vegetables will make,
My bowels run away with me?”
Yes!

My chicken flies like a jet stream
High above the whole scene
Flying like he’s brand new
Flying when he wants, yeah
Flying when he wants
My lettuce, potatoes, dried beans
Eaten in this whole scene
I feel like I’m brand new
So eat it when you want, yeah
Eat it when you want to

[Outro]
So eat it when you want to
Eat it when you want to

~Lyrics and Vocals by Marlies Vonn

Maybe if I went vegetarian my bowels would run away with me for a while, but they’d come back. I hope that my aspirations, which have recently run away, might do the same. I mean, we all need our bowels and also our asspirations. Lol.

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