OK, I had to share this f*cking fabulous meditation with you. Written by Jason Headley.
Written by Jason Headley. The video is below the text.
Sit or lie comfortably, quietly.
Allow yourself to be here fully in this moment.
With your eyes closed,
begin to connect with your inner world of thought and feeling.
Gradually, let the horseshit of the external world fade from your awareness.
If you find your mind wandering to other thoughts, don’t let it concern you.
Just acknowledge that all that shit is fucking bullshit.
You’re here now, in this place with your inner stillness.
Those bitches can’t get under your skin. They can’t even.
Take in a deep breath. Now breathe out.
Just feel the fucking nonsense float away.
Take full deep breaths.
Breathe in strength, breathe out bullshit.
Allow your breathing to discover its own natural unhurried pace.
If your thoughts drift to the three-ring shit show of your life,
bring your attention back to your breathing
and with each breath, feel your body saying “Fuck that.”
With passive acceptance, just allow distracting thoughts to float by.
With each breath you take, your thoughts become lighter and all the soul-eating cocksuckers just fall away into nothing.
Take a moment to appreciate the silence.
Those assholes can’t piss all over a purity like this.
You are weightless. Timeless. Without beginning or end.
Completely relaxed and free of thought.
And as you slowly open your eyes, greet the world and everything in it with a new beautiful breath of “fuck that.”
I first heard this at a restaurant! A lady at a table next to us pulled it up on her phone so her friend could hear it. Everyone else close enough to hear it was soon laughing as well. The guy has the whole peaceful meditation voice totally perfect.
I try not to use the “f” word and get rather tired of how pervasive it is in our culture – but using it in this meditation parody is hilarious. 😄
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I totally agree about the “f” word. Well, I’m guilty of swearing from time to time on my blog. I totally agree with you that in this parody context it is side-splittingly hilarious!