Don’t ask me what this word means. I think it means something or somebody that just exists to consume oxygen, resources, money, time, and effort. As a person with a disability, I feel that way from time to time. Well, actually, all the time.

I started today with a positive outlook. I even went for a walk in minus 25celcius weather! I was super proud of myself. The day started off looking like this: Well, uh in my mind’s eye it looked like that before I opened my eyes.

rainbow

I was so proud to have made it to my destination. I had prepared mentally and physically for my day, so I was kind of excited to get out of the house. Unfortunately, my liaison was the kind that I have experienced before but was unexpected. I begged someone to drive me home. At this point, I felt I had not one person in the world who really wanted to hear me. This is what I envisioned accompanying the rainbow ribbon down the drain:

drainbow

Trust me, I don’t want to share this bottle with anyone, because bleach is dangerous, and if I shared it with you in this context you might get this reward:

roadkillcat

Oh SORRY wrong photo. If I shared the bleach in the context of accompanying a rainbow ribbon down the drain, you’d get this feeling as a reward:

alwaysleftbehind

Nobody cares what I think or feel. Nobody really wants to hear what I have to say. But you know what? I really, really care about what YOU have to say. Sometimes you just have to give yourself what you wish you could get from others. I think that’s a Dr. Philism. Don’t sue me.

I really believe it is my mission in life to somehow gather up those souls who have, for one reason or another, always felt left behind, or not part of the “in” crowd. I know because I have spent the entirety of my life being inadequate physically, academically, socially, and have disappointed many people. I’ve even done what some people might consider extreme just to have a feeling of “fitting in”. We’ve all been there to some degree.

The above image is a powerful one. There are millions and millions of us who are on our knees, or in bed, hiding in our lockers, desperate to fit in, and some of us have no clue as to why we are sick or why we don’t fit in. We feel like “throwaways.” But we are just the opposite!

I really want to create a sense of kinship, and I think that is the opposite of “inadequate.” Somewhere where everybody is included. Everybody is noticed. I don’t know how, but this blog is a start.

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